It had to happen...

Well... it had to happen.  In March of last year I got laid off.  I don't think it was due my performance on the job but due to the economy.  When you work in a five star hotel and you are barely filling up 10% of the rooms a night for almost a year something has to give and one of those that gave was me.  After doing some soul searching and thinking about what I could have done differently to keep my job I decided to continue writing here about all the crazy shit that went on while I was cooking for this particular hotel.  Since I have a lot of free time on my hands I will be recollecting the different things that went on while I was employed.

One of the best nights I ever had was when U2 was performing at the San Jose Arena.  I usually started my shift around five in the evening and god willing I would be done just before the bars made last call at one-thirty in the morning.  Around ten in the evening I got word from the front desk that U2 was going to be holding an after-party in our Chinese themed lounge.  They needed appetizers for about 100 people and they needed them in about two hours.  Since I was the only one that could actually cook food without mutilating it in the hotel I was given the job.

First stop was the freezer...  I started pulling all of the high-end appetizers we keep on hand for just such an emergency.  Bacon wrapped prawns, empenadas, crab cakes, and filet mignon skewers.  I was running around like a crazy person.  Not only did I have to cook the food, but I had to tray it up, garnish it, and deliver it to where the party was going to be.

After an hour I had most of the food trayed up and ready to go.  I started carrying it down to where the party was going be when out of the corner of my eye I saw a very familiar face.  It was Lars Ulrich, drummer for Metallica.  He was wandering around and I asked him if he was here for the U2 after party.  He said he was and it was all I could do to keep from humping his leg.  You see, Metallica is my all-time favorite band, and Lars is my all-time favorite member of that band.  Have you ever seen him bang the skins?  There is nothing like it.  I've seen them live nine times and been backstage once, but  wasn't able to ever get this close to him.

I asked him if he would do me a favor and sign my chef's jacket.  He was the nicest guy and of course obliged me and I whipped out a Sharpie from my jacket.  He signed his name and I was the happiest chef that night.  I still have that jacket... food stains and all.

Suspended!

Well, I got suspended from work for 1 day.

How did it happen? Well there is this annoying guy at work named Alfred. He is a food runner from the lounge. He carries this plastic tray to cart the food and dirty dishes around. This tray is huge, about three feet in diameter. Whenever he comes to the kitchen, he drops the tray on the ground to try and scare us. It was a busy night and I was madly prepping to replace the food I had used and he drops his tray on the tiles and scares the hell out of me. I almost cut one of my fingers off. He then asks me if I can make his something to eat. I said, "You want something to eat? Here have a potato!" and I hurl a baked potato at his head. "Want some sausage and bacon? Here motherfucker!" and I started flinging raw sausage and bacon at him. He ran out of the kitchen so fast and I was laughing my ass off.

Well, about 30 minutes later, my boss pulls me aside and tells me to go home and not to come back tomorrow. I was pissed, but really I could use an extra day off. At least he didn't make me peel potatoes for 5 hours.

Until next time...

Stupid Captains

There are some things that go on in hotels that are unimaginable to the guests that come to there. It may be all nice and shiny, look clean and upscale, but just below the surface there is some crazy shit going on.

Tonight was a pretty slow night. I work the dinner to close shift on the hot line. I usually start around four in the afternoon and I'm required to stay hot until one o'clock in the morning. After nine o'clock, it is usually just me and my pantry guy, Humberto. He's a good guy, and my drinking buddy at work, but more on that later.

Tonight, Mindy was the captain. The captain basically sits on her ass, answers the phone when it rings, takes the order and yells at the waiters. Yelling at the waiters is also one of my jobs. Nobody really likes Mindy because she isn't very bright, can't spell, and eats just about everything in sight. She'll also tell the guest we can make anything they want which has led to some pretty unusual orders on her part. The first order to come up for me was, as usual with Mindy, one that required "Special Attention". With Mindy, no guest can have just what it says on the menu... they somehow always seem to have special requests. The ticket read:

1 CHICKEN QUESADILLA

SPECIAL ATTENTION

NO SHRIMP

As a cook, I've learned that with Mindy this can mean one of two things. A) The guest is allergic to shrimp and wants to make sure that nothing shrimpy has touched anything the quesadilla does. OR B) She still doesn't know how the Micros system where she punches in the orders works.

Dammit, now I have to go talk to her. She's eating something as I walk over to her. It looks like a blueberry muffin from the breakfast service slathered in butter.

"Mindy! What does this ticket mean?" I asked annoyed and shoving the ticket in her face.

"Oh, it's a mistake, you don't need to make it." she replies.

"Were you going to tell me?" I ask getting more agitated.

"I thought the waiter told you." She says stuffing more muffin in her gaping mouth.

This shit happens a lot with her. She can't void items with impunity so what she does is makes a messed up ticket, hope we make the food without talking to her first, then no matter what we make it's wrong. She then tries to take the "incorrect" order and shove it down her throat.

A little while later one of the waiters spilled hot onion soup all over himself. That was probably the highlight of my day. He is this really clumsy asian guy. I'm not sure what country he is from. His name is Tong. He has this really annoying habit of asking you bizarre questions or strange "facts" while you are in the middle of something. Tonight he said, "Don't you think it's strange how guns kill people?"

I didn't know how to respond so I slammed a frying pan I was holding on the stove and pretended not to hear him. A few minutes later, he was trying to put the cover on the plate holding the soup but didn't get it on just right. When he went to put the soup on the table the cover fell, broke a wine glass on the table, and obviously scared him because he dropped the soup. The soup hit the floor and he had melted cheese and carmelized onions all over his pants.

It took me a while to stop laughing.